BREAKING: Taco Bell Announces Recall of Everything They’ve Ever Sold

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(Irvine, California) – We stood outside of Taco Bell headquarters today in Irvine, California as a swarm of news vans, and cameras enveloped their parking lot.  The News? An official recall of everything Taco Bell has ever sold.  CEO Brian Niccol released a statement early this morning which broke the news that the fast food chain would be issuing a recall on all food items sold in any Taco Bell store since their opening in 1962.

“It has come to our attention that people have been consuming our products as food, our customers have been purchasing our tacos, burritos, and gorditas and inserting them into their bodies in place of food.  I want to be clear this was never our intention and we were absolutely shocked to learn that people have been eating our product, in light of this we will issue a full recall on all products sold in any of our stores since our opening on June 4th, 1962.  Live Más!”

Brian Niccol answered very few questions after his statement, although he did mention what he thought his product was being used for:

“We always thought people were just playing with it, or using it for pranks or something.  We also have deals with several major film and TV studios to provide prop food.  We are terribly sorry, Live Más!”

If you have purchased anything from Taco Bell since they opened in 1962, you are eligible for a 6% refund, please go to your nearest restaurant and ask.

Live Más!

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