FDA Approves Anti-Depressants For Babies


(TIW) – The Food and Drug Administration has just approved the perscription of Anti-Depressants to babies as young as 4 days old. Former baby actor Leo Fitzgerald, known for his Oscar worthy performance in the 1999 instant  classic, “Baby Geniuses”, led the campaign to push the funding of baby depression research. With this research it was found that nearly 99% of all babies are depressed. The study cited excessive crying, moodieness, laziness, and weight gain as main determinents of depression, all of which their test subjects exhibited. While the funding and FDA approval was difficult, the biggest hoop to jump through was the realization that pills are a choking hazard for babies.  Because of this, the drug will be sold in a “goo” form, safe for babies to consume.  Fitzgerald spoke with us in an exclusive interview after the FDA’s historic approval.

“You know everywhere I go people tell me, “hey you look like a baby I know”, and I have to tell them “Oh yeah? Is that baby a genius?”, hahahaha”.

As Fitzgerald laughed at his own joke for far too long our reporter began to understand the amount of medication he was on.  Fitzgerald, seemingly in a dull, drug induced euphoria, continued to force “Baby Geniuses”, references into the Q&A, effectively telling us nothing about baby anti-depressants.

The FDA makes its decisions based on facts and research but it does make you wonder, did this all start as some sort of maniacal marketing effort for the 1999 film, “Baby Geniuses”?


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