(TIW) – As the NBA Finals swing to Cleveland it couldn’t really look any worse for the Cavaliers. Down 2-0, the Cavs have failed to remain competitive into the fourth quarter. Kevin Love has been diagnosed with a concussion and will likely miss game 3. And now Head Coach Tyronn Lue has confirmed that Kyrie Irving has also been ruled out for game 3 due to, “Complications from eating too many Fiber One Bars.” A bashful Irving spoke with The Insider Weekly after the team flight back to Cleveland on Monday.
“I was watching tape on the plane, just trying to get my head around this “defense” thing everyone keeps talking about, and I saw that [James] Jones had some of these granola bars. I figured they would be healthy ‘cuz that guy’s so narrow so I grabbed 5 or 6 and started wolfing them down, they were delicious! After I got done with the 6th one I got a little distracted because Lebron [James] was watching Trainwreck on his iPad and making everyone watch his parts. He always does that now and he’s always the only one laughing at his lines. But anyways, that’s when it hit me … All that fiber … [starts sobbing] That’s it. I’m done.”
Of course a comical flub for a professional athlete to have, this does not help Irving’s reputation as an oft injured point guard. Irving missed a large part of the 2015-16 regular season due to an injury sustained to his knee-cap in last years NBA Finals.
Irving has also missed substantial time due to injuries to his wrist, ankle, and foot. The Insider Weekly did reach out to Lebron James for comment on the issue but were promptly denied by his representatives. We did however overhear him quip to head coach Tyronn Lue during a morning film session, “All that shittin[g]he’s been doing on the court, you’d think he’d be done.”
Tyronne Lue then proceeded to laugh way too hard and tell Lebron that he could be a comedian. We were able to get a quick one on one with coach Lue who revealed to us that he has taken on the Jewish faith in hopes of reviving the “Blatt Magic” as he called it. This may be in reference to the former coach, David Blatt’s ability to win 2 games in the NBA Finals last year without both Irving and Love. Coach Lue also told us that if the Cavs lose game 3 he is going to run away from home.
“If we lose game 3 I think I’m gona run away from home.” – Tyronn Lue
Special Letter from the Editor: For those of you hoping for the down and dirty details about Irving’s intestinal bonanza please understand The Insider Weekly is a multi Pulitzer Prize winning publication and we refuse to sink to your level. You are disgusting. God Bless.